looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
