So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
