if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
