I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
