and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
