So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
