I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
