Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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