would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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