remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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