Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
