he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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