Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize