i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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