I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
