I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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