You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
