I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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