New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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