Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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