The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
