dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
