So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
