she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
