I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
