he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
