What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
