DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
