Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im holly from the hills drunk
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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