Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
