Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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