I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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