You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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