It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
