We're facebook friends in real life
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
