things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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