So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
