SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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