you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
