So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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