Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
