I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
