why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
