dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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