On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
