We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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