There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
