i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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