I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i drank out of a bidet.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
