Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
