Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
