I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
