my vag is so smooth its legendary
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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