I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
