She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
