The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
